Firsts
by BillyBee11
Summary: Crossover with SPN. Buffy and Dean share a series of "firsts". Buffy/Dean - please R
1. Chapter 1

Title: Firsts  
Rating: PG / PG -13?  
Spoilers: Btvs post 7 / SPN 2/3  
Warning: may contain angst and fluffiness  
Disclaimer: I sadly don't own any of this, those who are much greater and wiser do.  
A.N. Enjoy and please R&R

Chapter 1

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She placed the final picture frame on the dresser, smiling as she looked down at the image of Dawnie, her mother and herself. It was one a the few things she had managed to save before Sunnydale had turned into a giant crater. She ran her hand over the smooth freshly sanded wood, it was the newest addition to the apartment, Xander had made it for her, claiming his craftsmanship was still pretty good for a cyclops.

There was soft knock on the door. A young brunette girl, now young woman, walked into the room carrying a basket of laundry. "Buffy, I'm going to go home now, do you need anything before I leave?"

"I'm okay Dawnie, you can just go home." She smiled, "thanks for all your help today."

Dawn returned the smile, it was nice seeing Buffy happy, "no problem, I'll call you later on tonight." With that they said their goodbyes and Dawn left the small apartment.

Buffy stepped back and looked at the bedroom, it was starting to look right, homey and lived in. It had only been a while since the blond slayer had moved into her now new permanent residence. It was a nice two bedroom place, a good enough size for Buffy's needs. She liked her set-up, just the two of them, Dawn on the other hand had opted to get an apartment closer to college and with her long-term boyfriend. Buffy was proud of her, she was happy and doing well with school.

Buffy plucked up Mr. Gordo from atop of the laundry basket and settled down on her bed, snuggling up with him. She felt content and relaxed for the first time in weeks. Sleep was slowly seeping in, and thats when she felt it. For the first time she could feel movement in her womb. She placed her hands on her swelling belly, enjoying the sensation of her child moving inside her. She closed her eyes as a true smile crept onto her lips. This was her child, their beautiful baby. She could only hope that he would have his father's eyes and his smile. Anything that would feed her memories.

The shrill cry of the phone broke her out of her thoughts. She sat up and grabbed the phone from the night stand. "Hello?" She was met with silence, just like before. "Dean?" She would swear by it that she could hear his soft breathing, "Dean please," she begged, hoping for a response, but like all the other times she was met with dial tone. The sound died away as she let the phone slide down from her ear, landing with a soft thud on her carpeted floor. She sat still, then as if on auto pilot she picked up the phone and placed it back on the receiver. She wiped the fallen tears from her cheeks on her sleeves and turned her attention back to her laundry.

The phone rang again, she glanced at the flashing red light letting her know she had an incoming call. Her actions stilled, she just stared at the phone, not wanting to go through it again. But like every time she knew she would pick it up, just for a chance that he would actually speak to her. "Hello?"

"Hi Buffy," it was Dawn just calling Buffy to let her know that she made it safely. They talked for a few minutes, she told Dawn about the baby kicking for the first time. There was a knock at Buffy's apartment door.

"Dawnie I'll talk to you tomorrow, there's someone at the door." The sisters said their goodbyes. Buffy walked out of the bedroom into the main hallway, "Just a minute." Reaching the door she looked through the keyhole but she couldn't see anyone. Grabbing Mr. Pointy off her hallway table she slowly opened the door.

For the first time in months she saw those oh so familiar eyes. Dean glanced down and ran his hand through his short hair nervously. He locked eyes back with hers. "Hey."

"Hey."

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Please Review and let me know what you think! 


	2. Chapter 2

Firsts - Part Deux

She sat on the ledge of the tub, one palm flat against the cool porcelain the other in her lap. Willow sat on the right next to her. Willow was the first to speak, "so how many minutes has it been?"

Buffy look down at the watch she held in her left hand, "Three more to go Wills." She glanced off into space and silence reigned over the bathroom. The faint sounds of Willow tapping her finger nails against the side of the tub started to match with the beat of the clock.

Buffy just looked over at Willow, "oh," Willow stilled her actions, "sorry," she didn't speak for a moment and then she continued, "what's the time now?"

"Two minutes left," Buffy said quietly, "Will you don't really need to wait with me, I mean if you want you can do something else."

"No I'm sorry Buffy, I'm just a little...," nervous, she looked at her friend and stopped her sentence.

The ring of the little oven timer went off and both women turned in its direction. Willow stood up and grabbed the small white test, she didn't look at it but glanced at Buffy beside her instead. "Do you want to...I can't" She handed off the test to Buffy. Buffy looked down at the test. "Well what is it?"

"Positive."

"Oh wow," Willow breathed out and mindlessly walked backwards until she hit the tub and then sat down. "I just can't believe this...its so unexpected." She looked at Buffy and then at the test, "Positive, wow."

"Yeah." Buffy replied awestruck.

"So this means...wow."

"Yeah."

Buffy joined Willow sitting down on the bath tub. She looked at her friend with concern "Are you going to be okay Will?"

"I just need a few minutes to process all of this...its a lot to take in." Willow and Buffy just sat there for a few moments, "I just don't know what to say, I've never done this before."

"Me neither," Buffy paused if thinking. This was the first time she had ever done this too.

"Well I guess congratulations," Willow took Buffy's hand, "you're going to be a mom...wow."

Buffy looked back at the test than to Willow, "yeah."


	3. Chapter 3

Firsts

Chapter Three: Hello Again

A.N. Thanks for reading, don't forget to R&R

For the first time in months she saw those oh so familiar eyes. Dean glanced down and ran his hand through his short hair nervously. He locked eyes back with hers. "Hey."

"Hey."

Buffy didn't expect him to be standing there at her front door. He had his hands in his front jean pockets and he nervously licked his lower lip. His eyes studied her, at had been a long time since they had last seen each other. His eyes finally rested on her stomach, one of her hands was protectively holding it while her other hand had a death grip on the door knob.

"Can I...uh," he scratched the back of his head, "can I come in." It was safe to say that he was nervous.

She didn't know what to do, on one hand he was finally here, after all her waiting he was here and talking to her but on the other hand he hadn't been talking to her for months. She was so conflicted, part of her wanted to slam the door in his face while the other part of her wanted to grab him and never let go.

"Buffy?" He snapped her out of thoughts. She let go of the door handle noticing that she had deformed its shape, she would have to get Xander look at that in the morning. She moved to the side giving Dean a silent invitation. She closed the door as he stepped into the hallway then to the living room. The room was spacious, Xander had made her a book shelf and some tables, she had a couch and love seat as well. Dean scanned her book selection, most of the titles written in various dialects, there was a small section of children novels in the corner.

Buffy walked into the room behind him, watching him as he took in the surroundings. She should have said, 'where have you been,' or 'why?' but she didn't. Her lips moved on her own accord, "do you want something to drink?"

His throat was dry, "yeah sure."

"Water ok?"

It was all very formal, "thats good." She walked out of the room. He sat down, he tapped his foot waiting for her to return. She placed his water on a coaster in front of him, she sat down on the chair next to him and watched him drink from his water. He could feel her eyes watching him, he put the drink down, the sound of the glass clinking breaking through the silence. "You look good."

She couldn't take it any longer, "what are you doing here Dean?" She didn't give him a chance to respond, "its been 4 months Dean, 4 months without a single word." She could feel anger rising in her, all the hurt she had been feeling coming forward. "4 months of not knowing if you were alive," she choked on her words, "or dead."

"Buffy I..." He tried to explain but he knew nothing could excuse it.

"You know I had a lot of time to think about what I was going to say to you when I saw you again but I can't even stand to look at you." She got up, no longer wanting to be in the room with him.

He stood up behind her, "I didn't want to go."

His words cut through her, she could feel the tears welling in her eyes. "But you did. You just took off Dean."

"You never asked me to stay."

She turned around and snapped at him, "don't you dare Dean Winchester blame this on me! You had a choice and you made it on you own. If you had asked me what I thought I would have told you," she crossed her hands, "you made the decision to leave all on your own." She looked away again, her voice lowering, "and apparently my opinion wasn't a factor for you."

"Buffy," he was like her, on edge. "I had no choice, he's my father."

She laughed, scaring Dean a little bit. She looked back at him, "and I'm your wife."


	4. Chapter 4

A.N. Thanks to those who reviewed - here's a little flash forward for you to enjoy 3. As always please R&R and don't forget to trip your waitress.

Chapter 4 - Welcome to the World

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The sounds of footsteps and distant voices lulled out as Dean sat silently. The world all seemed a blur, the only sound he was clued into was the slow breaths coming from the small woman lying in front of him. She was sleeping peacefully, finally at rest after hours of labor. He slowly slipped his large hand into hers, intertwining their fingers. Running his thumb over the back of her hand he studied her face; she looked so re-leaved and content.

He felt for her ring subconciously, like he always did, but unlike all the other times it was absent. Even on that day when he saw her again for the first time, she was still wearing it. He remembered the night she placed the gold band into his palm, giving it back to him; she didn't need it anymore. A pang went through his chest. With his free hand he pulled the chain out from under his shirt; two matching gold bands where resting on it, he traced the smaller one with his finger tips. He would make sure it would reside back where it belonged.

He was caught in his thoughts and barely realized until the nurse spoke to him that she was actually there. He turned his attention to her and discreetly let the necklace fall back underneath his shirt. The nurse took notice of the couple's intertwined hands and smiled to herself; she had heard the labor and the things angry slanders the young blond had said to man; she was glad that they had made up. She signaled to the other nurse to come in. The new nurse wheeled in the little bundle, smiled at the seasoned nurse and exited the room.

She picked up the small child carefully from its crib and presented it to the father, "Mr. Winchester would you like to hold your daughter?"

Dean's breath caught in his throat, she was gorgeous and so tiny. Even though he had already seen her, he was still awestruck, and knew that he always would be.

He nodded, the words he wanted to form not coming out. The nurse carefully placed the tiny girl into Dean's arms, she was so small in them. He cradled her, careful to not drop her. The nurse smiled and pulled away, admiring the gleam in the proud father's eyes. She silently stepped out letting the two privately bond in piece.

Dean was so entranced by his daughter, her little baby blues were open and staring into his. She looked at him with wonder, the whole world all so new, his gaze mirrored hers. He brought up his thumb to trace her cheek, almost if to assure Dean if she was real. He would see she had Buffy's nose and her lips, she would be a heart breaker, just like her momma. But she had his hears, which until she  
grew into them looked a little goofy, but she was his...theirs, the perfect combination of the two of them.

It felt so right, holding his daughter in his arms. This is where he belonged, with his family. He never really told anyone but all his life all he ever wanted was this; was the two of them.

"Hi...um...I'm your Dad." The little girl looked at him with an almost comical expression, "I just want you to know that even though things aren't too good with you mom right now I'll always be there for you." The child gurgled, like she was understanding. Dean smiled, "I love you kiddo, no matter what I take care of you. " He repositioned his real pride and joy so she was more comfortable, "now there's one little favor I need sweetheart," she gurgled again making little milk bubbles, "you gotta help me win your mom back." The baby gurgled again, this time as what Dean took as a seal of agreement. Dean held her little hand and give it a small shake of agreement. She took his first finger in her whole hand a gently squeezed. Dean beamed, his little girl was amazing.

Buffy slowly woke, dazed, she recognized Dean's soft voice. Her eyes adjusted to the bright white of the hospital room. She saw Dean sitting beside her, their little girl in his arms. "And that's when your Uncle Sammy figured out that your Daddy put Nair in his shampoo."

Buffy smiled at the image, this is how she imagined how this would happen...well mostly. "I think she might be still a little young for this story," Buffy teased.

Dean grinned up at her, "hey kiddo look who's awake," he turned the little girl around so that she was facing her mom, "mommies up."

Dean moved himself closer to Buffy and carefully handed her Buffy's little clone. Buffy cradled the little girl against her chest, "welcome to the world Mary Emma Winchester."

The nurse smiled at the sight of the small family, the husband and wife's hands connected and they held their daughter. "Hey Pam, didn't your shift end 20 minutes ago?" The on duty nurse stood behind her, files in hand. Pam turned around, smile still on her face, "I'm on my way out, I just stopped to smell the roses." She buttoned up her coat, "goodnight Liz, I'll see you tomorrow."

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Thanks for reading I hoped you enjoyed it - next chapter will be a duo chapter mean 2 in 1 since Chapter 5 is NC-17 heavily and I can't post it here so I'll provide a link and Chapter 6.

Happy Reading!

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	5. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Chapter five can be found here: just add the www. to

paradsuslost./index.cgi?boardbbadult&actiondisplay&thread131&page1

Warning: This chapter is very angsty - you have been fore warned.

A.N. - Sorry about the long wait - I've been working on my film and then I had to brew up something good for the new chapter...which was pretty hard actually - p.s. can you guess the song I listened to when I wrote this?

He stood there, speechless for one of the few times in his life. There was nothing he could say to that, nothing he could spew out to justify his actions.

"What no witty retort?" She crossed her arms over her chest, her elbows resting on her baby bump. When he first arrived at the door he wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked, but he knew he couldn't. "Well?"

"Buffy...I..." His words were jumbled, he tried again but nothing would come out. They stood silent, a few feet apart in her living room, but to the two it felt as if they were worlds apart. He could feel her heated glance as he suddenly found the lint of her carpet an interesting item to count.

After a few minutes so broke the silence, "this was a mistake, I think you should leave Dean."

He finally looked back up at her, he studied her features, her jaw set, body rigid; she closed herself up, not willing to be hurt. She tapped her foot impatiently trying to show she wouldn't break her resolve. "I'm sorry."

She had to look away, unable to meet his gaze. There was too much there, so much emotion in his eyes, she couldn't stand it. "I really think that its best if you leave."

"Please let me explain," he begged. His voice was hoarse, he could feel tears building up.

"That's funny, after all this time now you finally want to explain." She could feel her temper rising again. "Did you honestly think that you were going to walk in here, apologize and everything would be ok?" She had waited days by the phone, worried why he wasn't answering her calls. Wondering what she had done wrong, why he would just take off. She could feel her tears welling up, she had promised herself she wasn't going to cry anymore over Dean Winchester.

He walked towards her, "I know there isn't anything I could say to make this right..."

"You're right, there isn't anything." She turned her back on his advancing form.

"Buffy please," he turned her around, "baby please let me explain."

His hand was desperately holding onto hers. She wanted to brush it off but she couldn't bring herself to it. He waited silently for her reaction, "I waited four months for you to say those words." She removed his fingers with her other hand, "but now they mean nothing to me."

He could feel his heart breaking, he'd been beat, electrocuted and almost killed but what he felt those times didn't compare to the pain the felt at this very moment. "You don't mean that." He reached for her hand again only to have her move back, "Buffy...I...I'm so sorry..." his tears were flowing freely now, "I love you...god I love you so much, please just listen to me."

She couldn't fight it anymore, her emotions overpowered her and now her face was painted with tears. He stepped forward and held her as he leaned forward to kiss her. She didn't have any time to react, soon his lips descended upon hers. Dean poured every emotion that he had for her into their kiss. She fought it as long as she good, keeping her lips locked. His lips felt so good, his arms around her so safe. She found herself unwillingly returning the kiss. When the need for oxygen became apparent Dean pulled away. They stared at each other. The sound of her palm slapping across his face sounded across the room. "Get out."

"Buffy..."

"I said get out!" He had crossed the line, and he knew it. "We're done Dean, just get out." He didn't budge, "Get out!"

With one look at her face he reluctantly exited the apartment. He turned back to try to apologize again only to have the door slammed in his face. He sighed and let his body slide down the wall. He buried his hands in his hair, why had he been so stupid. A few minutes later the door opened and Buffy emerged. He looked up at her, hopeful.

"You can have this, I don't need it anymore." With that she returned back inside.

Dean let out a choked sob as he ran his fingers over the small gold wedding band in the palm of his hand.


End file.
